just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
