Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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