Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
