i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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