its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
