Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
