just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
