I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
