Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if only i could text you this smell
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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