Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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