I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
