she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
