I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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