I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
