and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
