We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
