It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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