I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
