New low: just hacked my moms facebook
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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