omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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