Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
