The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
