oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
