I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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