Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I heard we made out
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
barbara walters just said penis...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
