singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
