Duck Duck Cougar?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
