I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
