My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
