If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
