I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
