Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
