And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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