You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
