Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
