Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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