Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
