I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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