As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
