if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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