So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My penis needs a shock collar
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
