Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
