You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
