i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
