Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
