I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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