Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I want to fling myself into the sun
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
