I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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