im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Terrible idea I love it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
