weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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