Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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