Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Your cock deserves a montage
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
