Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
