Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
