Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
