Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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