he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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