We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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