Apparently you make a good broom.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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