The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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