I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
