you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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