If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
