How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
