They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
