Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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