You smell like stripper and shame
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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