You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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