why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
