Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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