12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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