I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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