It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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