Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize